just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
