I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
