i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
