Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
