You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
