I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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