She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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