Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
