whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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