"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
