that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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