Me. At least after what I've been through.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Randomize
