How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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