my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
