I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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