Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Randomize
