My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
