How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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