So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
