So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
