I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
