4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
