I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
