i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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