the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
