guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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