My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
