My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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