just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
