Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
