Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
