So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
