dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize