apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
