a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
