we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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