lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
