First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
