Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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