A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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