I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
