Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
