who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
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dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
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Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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