then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
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He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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