she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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