You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
