I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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