My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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