I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Houston, we have a squirter
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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