Nicole vs. Life
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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