I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
