oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
