Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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