I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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