There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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