During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
