We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room