he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
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I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
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Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.