Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!