everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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