i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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