she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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