Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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