bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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