i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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