Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
