Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
