i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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