Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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