Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
