alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If I die, sorry about rent.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
