she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
