I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
