So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
