im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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