It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
