we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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